What do I get Dad for Father’s Day?

It’s that time of year again, when the greeting card companies remind us how much dad loves barbecuing, golf, fishing, beer, TV remotes, fixing things, and, of course, passing gas. This is the very same dad who won’t ask for directions and is always giving you money. But wait, is that not your dad? Are you sure? Because the greeting card companies think it is!

Though card companies misunderstand a lot of dads, we shouldn’t pick on them. We all know we’ve gotten our own dads really wrong at least one Father’s Day in our lives. Here are some of the funniest best worst gifts we’ve heard about from customers over the years:

• One summer I got it in my head that my dad’s favorite color was mint green. He never said so. But he had a mint green toothbrush, and I figured he picked it the same way I picked mine, by color. I was seven and had not even a dollar to my name, so when the neighbors had a yard sale the weekend before Father’s Day, I was hopeful. I couldn’t believe my luck when I found a mint-green and avocado-green striped polo shirt—with just a few stains by the monogram! The monogram did not match my dad’s initials, not even one letter! He wore that shirt to church and all day afterward. –Melissa W.
• My brother and I always liked to make breakfast in bed. One year we decided to paint the paper plate, plastic cup, and plastic silverware with green poster paint. I still remember how awful the green scrambled eggs and green milk looked when my dad took a sip and said, “Wow! That’s different!” –Anndee C.
• I got my dad a skinny tie every year for several years, and it was actually from his own closet. I just wrapped it up and thought he was fooled every time. –Joe W.
• One Father’s Day I put an ice cube right by my dad’s face to help him cool off while he slept. It wasn’t even that hot out. I don’t know what I was thinking, but he was not a happy camper when he woke. –Jim Y.
• My cousin and I did a joint-gift for our dads one year by putting pantyhose over our faces and dancing to “Living on Tulsa Time” while holding buttered toast. (We thought the words were “livin’ on toast sometimes.” I don’t know what the pantyhose were for.) I have to say, they really seemed to enjoy it. They were laughing so hard. –Amy A.

We’re happy to have helped these wonderful “kids” to buy grownup gifts all these years later. (Yet we’re pretty sure the green milk and skinny ties were cherished just as much as their new Rado wristwatch is.) So, tell us: What’s your best worst Father’s Day gift ever?